just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
