wanna go halves on a baby?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We were destined to go to rehab together
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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