Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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