mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize