It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
