so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Less talking, more tequila
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
