I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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