do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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