Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
