I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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