She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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