weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
