I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
