she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
