If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
