Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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