This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
