If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
