he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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