I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
