Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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