Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
