Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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