Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
