it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
