I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
