his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
