whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
