Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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