Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
