I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
