I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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