I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
