When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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