I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
