So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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