Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I have fence marks all over my body
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