Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
