is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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