I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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