3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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