How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
