Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
