just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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