but the lizard people decide everything anyway
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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