my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
True but thats because hes a fetus.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
