My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
