it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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