We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
