just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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