i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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