so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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