Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
