porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
