Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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