Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize