he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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