Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
