i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
