he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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