you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
