I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
