Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
