fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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