Someone shit on the floor
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
