Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
