i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
