I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
