sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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