I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
