So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
