Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
