How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
