Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
