just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
