she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you will always have a special place in my vag
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
