So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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