More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
