cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
