No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
