I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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