i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
