I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
