Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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