i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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