And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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