Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
