He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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