I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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