I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
