so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
