This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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