They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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