I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
