so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
