I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
