I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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