Well douche your snatch and let's go!
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
