Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
