She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
