you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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