You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just had sex on a roof
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
